The End, For Now

С празником, Happy Holiday, once again, but this time, Woman's Day. The city is full of women with men on their arms and flowers in their hands. It's like Valentine's Day, except that everyone is happy and giving well wishes to strangers. Men and women alike have wished me a happy holiday today and I have bought chocolate and presents for my female friends here. Let's adopt this day too.

For those of you who do not yet know, I have just left the orphanages in Yaroslavl and arrived in Moscow. Leaving the children has turned out to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Aleosha and I were both smiling and crying at the same time as he jumped up, threw his arms around me and wouldn't let go. Sasha and Roma have promised to write to me and use the self-addressed envelopes I gave them. Sasha wouldn't stop asking for the date and time I was coming back. And the boy who had just arrived didn't understand why he would only see me for one day, and then I go back to America. And all this was just at the hospital.

In leaving the shelter, I was given some pretty upsetting news. A girl of only 13, Natasha, had become a close friend of mine. She was the first who asked to write me, inspiring me to buy these 30 ready-to-go envelopes. Natasha stood out as one of the brightest and most polite children I met. Clearly, she came from a great family where a tragic happenstance has left her where she is. When I didn't see her at the shelter, I asked one of the young girls where she was. They told me she had left. After talking with one of the counselors, I learned that she had been moved to an orphanage. I wish they hadn't told me which one. Boarding House #9, notorious for it's dark hallways and terrible conditions. CCS has been trying to get through their doors for the past five years with little success, as the directors are constantly changing. Hopefully when I come back, they've made it in. Not saying goodbye to her and fullfilling my promise of envelopes has broken my heart. And for the girl who once had a bright future, I hope she perseveres and keeps it bright.

Hopefully, during my time here, I have brought joyful childhood memories and a positive example to those forced to grow up in institutions instead of familial homes. I know that if these memories and positive influences were measured in currency, I would be one of the wealthiest in the world. I hope that I have been able to pass on that wealth to these kids. If so, than I have done what I set out to do. Hopefully I will be able to do it all over again in the near future.

At least now I am in Moscow for a few days to settle down, see the sights, and allow the swelling around my eyes to diminish. This is the last post that I will leave ya'll with while I'm in Russia, but check back early next week for pictures of all these kids. Again, thank you for all of your e-mails and well wishes. It has been quite a journey :)

Another Holiday

So I have now discovered a new holiday that I think the States should adopt: Pancake Day. In downtown Yaroslavl, there are blinis everywhere today, and it's fantastic. But don't get too envious, it's still freezing cold here. According to the thermometers I've passed, -10. I don't know if I agree with the Russians. I don't think this cold is helping my illness at all. Actually, I'd like to think that the blinis are.

So, more heartwarming/heartbreaking events. Yesterday, as I was leaving the hospital, saying goodbye to everyone, Aleosha, with a big smile on his face and his arms around my neck, told me that he loves me. I asked him if he would fit in my bag so that I can take him on the plane. He didn't seem to think that would be a problem.

I secretly revealed to one of the more quiet and polite boys that my camera also works as a camcorder, "Shh, I'm making a movie," I told him, and then played back what I just shot. The rest of the day then became of series of things that he wanted me to film him doing and show back to him. So, I have that footage to pass on when I get back as well for those who would like to see it.

Sadly, the doctors and nurses passed on some specific stories about some of the kids at the hospital. Their stories are beyond tragic and were hard to listen to, Russian and English alike. I knew there was a reason that I never asked. But, these poor women just need someone to tell, someone who knows the children. I think they've come to realize that's about all I can take though. What a day of extremes...words of love to stories of tragedy. As has been progressively true here with each passing day, yesterday was the best and hardest day I've had.

But still, всего хорошого...

The Russian Plague

Okay, so no one has heard from me in quite some time, this I know. I've actually been spending the past few days in bed with what I'm referring to as The Russian Plague. Apparently, everyone stays pretty healthy here in the freezing cold of winter, but as Spring gets closer, everyone gets sick. And since I am oh-so-Russian now, this means that I get sick too. This also meant, yet another, new experience for me: going to the doctor in Russia. They really don't teach you enough of the descriptive words you need at the doctor in Russian class. Now I'm taking three different kinds of pills on blind faith, as I have no idea what's in them. Most of them seem to be some type of chloride. This is the only medical word that I can make out and understand.

The kids have been asking about me, which is both heartwarming and heartbreaking. Good news, I'm back this afternoon. I just need to make sure I take my mountain of Russian pills so that I don't cough all over them.

I apologize for the sad and boring nature of this entry, but hopefully things are looking up. I do hope that Spring is coming back home as well. I'm ready to shed this outdoor winter costume and all its pieces when I get back!

Our Own Puppet Theater

So it has been decided: for the first time in my life, I will be the director. On Tuesday, the older kids at the shelter are going to make sock puppets with me and then discuss possible plots and things in order to put on a puppet show for the little kids on Wednesday. For some reason, this is becoming quite an event. I promise, pictures upon my return will reflect this chaotic fun.

Things are going well, and I guess that I'm at a loss as to what I should say anymore. I know I don't want to have to subject anyone to the troubling aspects anymore...So let's see...Other things...

As of yesterday, the kids in the both locations say I'm like a clown. That's right, not an actress, a clown. Some of the kids get so serious about the art projects that if they look up at me, I make a face or do something stupid to make them laugh. When they ask me why I do that, I tell them I'm just weird and silly. They tell me I am like a clown. One girl in the shelter, Katya, is never happy with the work that she does. She's always looking around at everyone else's, talking about how she likes it better, so I'm always exaggerating how much I LOVE hers. She loves when I make faces at her. She never quite knows what to say, so she always just laughs. I've gathered that she thinks I'm a crazy American. Maybe she's right.

Many of the boys here don't have male role models in their lives. All the doctors and nurses at the hospital, women. All the counselors and cleaning staff at the shelter, women. So having Paul (a volunteer from England), has been priceless, especially for two of the older boys at the shelter, one 14 and one 16. They're always playing some dice game I don't quite understand, and I hear the 16 y.o. pracing his English numbers with Paul. His presence is so valuable...I guess I don't know what else to say about it other than that.

That's all for now. I'll let you all know how the puppet show turns out. As I'm always saying to the kids, "It's scary!"

How will I ever leave?

It's getting more and more difficult to answer that question. Every day, I depart with a load of promises: "see you tomorrow," "we'll play that game again tomorrow," "I'll bring my camera again tomorrow," "I promise, we'll try juggling again." What will I do when I can't make promises like this?

Today was a day of what needed immediate focus and joy, and observations that were then put in the back of my mind (where I need them to be for the time being). At the hospital, everything is locked. There is no room, hallway, or closet that you can go into without a doctor or nurse opening it for you. For this reason, we never play anywhere other than one room. Until today, I had never seen any other part of the hospital. But today, the performance was upstairs. We were led, one door at a time, up to another room. A strange and dreadful aroma greeted us at the top of the stairs. The CCS staff member there with us cringed and whispered to me, "That's from the shocks," motioning then to the locked door where these apparently took place. There are too many children there to talk through and identify the source of their specific emotional disturbances, especially without stable families to look after their best interest. The answer is medication for most and shock for some, even for something as commmonplace to us as ADD (which I think Aleosha is the victim of). Yet, all I can do is try and make them forget. It seems trivial, my teaching of Connect Four today, but the nurses told us this morning that their isn't much laughter when we're not there. Hopefully, I will be able to gracefully "pass the torch" to the next three volunteers that arrive here in March.

On a brighter note, I've started taking yoga here in Yaroslavl a few evenings a week (yes, instructed in Russian). It's become a healthy escape and a truly unique experience, as I try to hide the fact that I'm a foreigner. We won't be able to take the hospital kids, but we're planning an evening out to a puppet show with the kids at the shelter, maybe bowling for the older ones. Field trip!

Finally, I want to say thank you to everyone that has been brightening my day with their jokes, well-wishes, and funny stories via e-mail and blog posts. No matter what, even if I can't get back to them right away, they always make me smile. I hope all is well in the warm warm United States!

Time to Celebrate...

I don't have long, but I wanted to be able to post a quick little something. Everything here is still going well and I have officially brought the game "Go Fish" to the children of Russia. Tomorrow we have a very special holiday to celebrate: Man's Day. Yes fellas, that's right. Most Russians will have the day off and men will be catered to and given gifts. (I have candy for the boys.) At the hospital, this means a performance with music, song and dance that the children will be performing for us. If you can imagine, they are planning to perform this while wearing the construction paper, beaded, feathered head-dresses that we crafted this morning. In fact, I will be taking so many pictures, you may not have to imagine. I will try and put some of the pictures on a disk tonight so that I can try and post them soon. We'll see what I can pull off. I took some pictures yesterday, but it's hard to tell how well they turned out. My digital camera needs its subjects to hold still for a second while it takes the picture. Even in my best Russian, I could not get this across to the boys. Once they saw a flash, they would run towards me to look at the picture that was just taken. That will explain the blurriness you may encounter, so I'm sorry in advance.

In the meantime, I'll be looking forward to March 7th: Women's Day.

My new silly friend...

Where to begin...

Well, I lied. It's pretty cold, 25 below (in C), at least during the warmest part of the day. But I guess by now I'm...used to it?

I wish I could explain what it feels like to have 20 or so children from 2-15 years old running to hug me as I enter the building. I can't give it a name because it is so many things at once. But let me slow down.

In the morning, I am with the kids at the hospital. From what I can tell, "hospital" is the best translation that can be given to this place. Kids, mostly boys, are brought here from the orphanages due to psychological disorders, placed their by families who cannot care for them, or from the street. For some, social skills are lacking because they are merely not socialized with enough in their everyday lives. It could be a scary place if I think about it, but it turns out that's the trick: don't think about where you are, just what you're doing. I'm there to lead art projects and play games with these kids, not think about where they came from or what is wrong. There is one boy, Aleosha, who has come to be my little friend. He is probably 10, but I haven't asked him yet. He's hilarious and loves to be tickled. He has an amazing understanding of the concept that English is my first language, and I'm doing the best I can with his. I love when he looks at me, smiles, and tells me, "Don't worry, I understand you." I tell him he is my new silly friend. Yesterday, we worked on a project that required lots of different pieces and high demand. The translator with us, without my knowledge, kept telling the children, "ask Caryn, she speaks Russian." No wonder I was so bombarded...

In the afternoon, I am at the shelter. I work with two different groups, depending on the day. There are the "little ones," mostly 2-5 years old, and the "older ones," 6-15 years old. The shelter is an in-between kind of establishment. Children here are either abandoned by their parents and move on to an orphanage, or remain at the shelter until the "Social Services" of Russia deems it safe for them to return home. For the most part, the children here come from troubled and unstable families. We have art projects and games for the older children, and generally entertain and bring laughter to the little ones. Everyone seems to think it's a good idea for me to put on a little Russian play with finger puppets for the little ones and a hand puppet play for the older children. I have a feeling, we'll find out!

Pictures are actually hard to come by. The shelter won't allow pictures of the little ones, as they don't want to invite the possibility of "window shopping" to other countries. The opinion of outside adoption is split here. Hopefully soon I will have pictures of the older children.

Last thing I'll tell you...I met a Russian councilman yesterday. These poor people. The rest of the world views them as being so behind, both socially and politically. In fact, the English couple volunteering with me said that they made everyone at home nervous by coming here. Their English friends and family are afraid they won't come home. Let it be known, it's safe to leave money in your hotel room, eat the fruit, accept rides from anyone on the street, and you don't buy jeans from Americans in the streets. You buy them with Rubles in stores.

My time here in the Internet Cafe is running short, but keep checking in. Hope all is well back home :)